Tales of the Narcissistic Parent.....

My brother is coming home from his Mormon mission in a week and I am SO excited to see him.  I haven't been around him for 2 years and needless to say, I can't wait to see him again.

But with the reuniting of my little brother comes the reuniting of my WHOLE family... I don't want to paint the image that they are terrible people but let's just say that I have an issue with one person in particular today anyway....

Let's get to the point.  My mother is a Narcissist.  What does that mean??? And why am I bringing it up??

Well there's to many definitions that could play here but for the sake of answering, it means it's all about "HER".  

I'm VENTING today because I'm super stressed about my trip and feel that this is a way to get it out there.

AAAnway, so I'm very very frustrated.  I called my mom today to let her know a few concerns I had for the well fare of my child.
I asked her POLIETLY if she could be more AWARE of the fact that she tends to yell a lot.  My daughter is NEVER around that and she is very sensitive to that sort of thing.  I want this to be a good experience for my daughter.  NOT a negative one.
What do you think my mom said when I told her that?
She went BERSERK.  She started bringing up all this stuff from a long time ago that had NOTHING to do with our conversation and saying that I was trying to make the conversation YUCKY because of what I had suggested to her.  And how I couldn't judge her and that she wouldn't change for me at all.  And then the cherry on the cake was when she said that if I had SUCH an issue with it, that I could make arrangements to stay with another friend while I was visiting.

OH! By the way.  I already did because I foresaw this happening MONTHS ago.
For the love of all that's holy my mom can't even RESPECT the ONE THING that would help my daughter be more comfortable.  And it's not even for me it's about my kid.  I want her to like visiting and not be frightened whenever she visits if EVER.

Hopefully these 10 days that I'm visiting will go by quickly so I don't have to spend to much time there. My mom stresses me out so much I haven't been able to sleep for a week because of some crap she'll pull while I'm there.  And my crap I mean drama.
Don't get me wrong, my mom I guess has the intentions to be a good person but she to me, feels like nothing is ever her fault.
Well I moved 2,000 miles away from her so that my daughter could grow up without having that negative energy around her CONSTANTLY.  I'm going to freaking therapy for pete sake because of her!  UGH!!

You know what she told me??  She said that She wanted to, and I quote: "Break my daughter in like the military."  She means that she'll be yelling around her because she wants her to get used to it.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? With those words ALONE I shouldn't even visit!!! 

My moms nuts.  Sigh.  Thank you Jenny for being my savior and letting me spend the rest of my trip with you.

Child number 2.......When, what, how and HUH????? (NOT A PREGO ANNOUNCMENT)

Alright parents.  It's that time for the cliche expression that you hear WAY to often.  (You have been warned!)

My kid is growing up WAY to fast.  She is going to be a YEAR OLD next month.  It's amazing how fast they develop from that tiny little newborn into this talkative, giggly, playful, smiley, and trying new things baby.  But she won't be a baby technically anymore next month.  She'll be a....gulp.....toddler.

Insecurities kicking in here.  I get overwhelmed thinking about her being a....toddler.......
I've had this.....fear of my daughter growing older.  Not like I want to be changing diapers all my life but here's the deal.

I see my friends and family (no judging) who get pregnant after there child is about roughly almost 2 years old.

1. How in the WORLD are you emotionally ready for something like that??
2. Do you try and potty train that kid at that age?
3. Is it a mutual decision or is it just you or the other who wants too?

The questions could go on and on.  Let me emphasis that I have NO problem with someone getting pregnant again after the little one turns 1.  It's just ME personally that has a problem with it.  There are NUMEROUS reasons why it's not a good idea for us even 6 months from now to start trying that.  But that's not something up for open discussion.

To be honest, I'm terrified.  I'm just getting to know this beautiful little girl that I had the blessing of receiving and getting the practice down and to think that our original plan was to try 6 months from now to get knocked up with another one????  Pffffft yea right!!!

But here's the catch.  I want my kids to be spaced apart so many years but not to far apart because I like my sanity.
I'm at the point right now were I'm telling my husband that I'm done.  Physically, emotionally everything.  But that's not what my patriarchal blessing is telling me.  For those of you who don't know that that is I've added a link so you can read it on the churches website.

To explain what I mean, it says basically that one of the greatest gifts for me would be to bring CHILDREN not CHILD into this world.
Pressure much? a little.
My husband is all ball game.  Me?
Yea......right.......

I won't lie sometimes I have this kick in me going into to overdrive that tells me I physically and emotionally WANT another one.  For reasons I cannot fathom or explain.  I just quickly smother that thought before it evolves to quickly.  So I guess there is a part of me that wants to but I have no spirit telling me that it's something I should be focusing on right now.  Not only that but I love only having one baby because I'm getting sleep again! haha

So in short, I just need to practice having faith in the lord and myself.  I"m terrible about doing that and I need to get my butt in gear with it again.  Who knows what the good lord will have in store for me.