Grassy Adventure!......Being punished for trying to stay fit

So yesterday was pretty eventful day!
Raine enjoyed her first time crawling in grass and playing with some of our cats mittens and patches along with getting some fun in the sun.
Now I never go outside because I'm super paranoid about being stung by bees or fire ants and I think I'm allergic to some kind of pollen or grass or something but I have no idea what it is.
She also helped me with the laundry (mostly helping me stall anyway lol).  I sit her in the laundry basket after I put the clothes in it and I pull her around in it.  She enjoys it as you can see.  I get a kick out of it to because she's full of giggles as I take her through the house in it.  She loves boxes, hampers and over hangs.

The darker cat is patches and the gray cat is mittens.  One of these days I'll be able to capture Poe when he's around.

Mittens is the testy one so I was busy trying to keep mittens at a relative distance that I wasn't paying attention enough to the fact that patches was curious about Raine too.  I'm pretty sure they don't like her now .

I don't know what my deal was but I was having some SERIOUS issues relaxing before turning in for the night.  My usual relaxation of playing with mittens and or patches ( our cats) or just simply watching some T.V. did nothing to help me unwind.
So I decided to get my shoes on and try running it off. At 10 pm.  It was stupid to go by myself but I was so restless! I headed to the dirt track that is about a block away from were I live and push the negative mojo out that way.
I was doing pretty good considering I haven't done any heavy exercise since before I was pregnant.  My nose was starting to run and I used my hand as a tissue since I had nothing else to use. (gross I know but I'm only human) I mention this because it plays a crucial part later in my story.

After finishing my run, I walked back to the house and felt pretty good.  I was sore, tasted blood in my mouth but I felt good.  And tired.  Tired enough that if I were to lie down I could fall asleep.
That's what exactly what I wanted since I couldn't do that earlier.

I got home and collapsed on the couch.  It felt good to lie down and just stretch my sore limbs and feel the burn of a good run.  My husband came out of our room and greeted me even though he was exhausted he was worried sick about me.  (aww he still cares :3)
So he got me a glass of water and I began to notice that my hand was itchy and burned a little.  I scratched it not really thinking about it.
After a few minutes I stood up and went to pour the rest of the water on my hand because it was bothering me.  So I went to the sink and turned the light on so that I could see what I was doing.  I began pouring the water on my hand when I noticed that it had broken out into hives!!!  HIVES people!!!
I got my husband and mother in law to look at it.  For the life of me I can't figure out what in the world I did to have my hand break out so badly!  I walked in the grass but didn't touch it with my hands.  I inspected my legs and there were no hives there.  So it couldn't have been the grass.  Also considering that I had been outside earlier that day with my daughter and hadn't broken out anywhere else.
I did have some quinoa for dinner (which was the first time I've ever had it) but I wasn't breaking out anywhere and I was breathing just fine.

I saw that I had a little bit on the upper part of my left arm along with a new spot beginning on my collar bone.  EEK!
So my husband took my clothes and I showered.  I was in there for a while and I can honestly say that was the deepest cleaning I have ever done.  I scrubbed and washed everything at least 5 times and I still didn't feel clean enough.  I was so paranoid that whatever was on my skin was going to stay there and that the hives would never go away!

I eventually went to bed and when I woke up this morning the hives were gone.  YAY!  So here's the moral of the story:
1. Don't work out late
2. Running on a familiar track isn't always the best idea
3. Outside environmental stuff hates me
4. I'm allergic to something and I'm not sure what in the heck it is.
In summary to what I mentioned, I'm never going outside again.  Just another thing to add to the list of reasons why I won't.  It goes right next to fear of bees and dogs.

Ever feel like when you finally have that free time you get nervous??

So this is kinda a follow up to the last post I made.
Okay it's not kinda it just is.

So yesterday, Raine fell asleep at 7:30 and I got done doing dishes and cleaning up after 8:00 pm and I honestly thought that she was going to be up again and that I would have to put her back down. Which would have taken me a half an hour.
She didn't wake up after a half hour of putting her down so I sat down and decided to watch some T.V.

I suddenly got all antsy.  "I have free time to myself without having to worry about the baby waking up soon."

The whole house was quiet as I watched Buffy the vampire slayer.

The silence was killing me.
My husband came in and asked me what I was up too.  I explained to him how I felt and he was really confused as to why.
"But why?  Raine's asleep and all the chores in the house are done.  What do you think is bothering you?"
My husband said.

"Well.... I feel like I should be doing some kind of chore.  Like I should be cleaning or preparing dinner for tomorrow.  I feel like I shouldn't relax."

My husband stood up and took me to another room so I could get away from the distraction of the TV.  It was really messing with my sense of ease because of the extra noise.

We talked things over and he helped me realize that it's okay for me to do things I like when I can do them.  

I think that S.A.H.M. have this stereotypical reputation that says that they should be doing something constantly and criticized when they aren't.  That is ridiculous.  I'm NOT lazy.  I make sure I have all the laundry done, dinner prepared, baby taken care, bedrooms picked up, trash dumped, cats fed etc.  Before I even try and sit down.  That's right I'm sitting down BLOGGING but I'm waiting for the laundry to get done.

So mother's at home, don't feel guilty for taking that time and relaxing for a moment.  There is no reason we should feel this way.
I remember that when my baby was a few months old that I had the HARDEST time trying to cook dinner because my baby wanted me to hold her.  But I couldn't do that because I had a gas stove.  So you know what I did?  I had to let her cry so I could cook dinner for my husband.  We were getting assistance from the church so we didn't have things like microwave dinners.  Everything we got had to be prepared and cooked on the stove or in the oven.  Which in the long was healthier for us.

It was a lot of work and it was hard at times because I didn't want my baby to cry but I was the only one at home.
What was I supposed to do?  I didn't want my baby to be in harms way so I did what I could.

There were a few times when I couldn't cook dinner and my husband had to have hotdogs several nights in a row.
I felt bad because I felt that since I was at home, I should be able to do that.

Who are we kidding???
When you're adapting to a new sleep schedule, a newborn, and still trying to maintain the house at that stage it's ridiculous!!!!!
I"m just now getting to the point were I can blog at least once a week and do some of the things I like without having to worry so much about my baby because she can entertain herself.

Oh and then there's the fact that once you're baby get's to the point of entertaining themselves that most couples want another baby.

REALLY??????
I think that's fine if know that you can handle it but me personally, I KNOW I can't handle that stress.  Yea I have thought about having another baby but I want to wait til my baby is out of her diapers first before trying to throw another out there and having to potty train two kids at the same time ya know what I mean?

Oh the baby conversation....
Now don't get me wrong.  I want twins next.  Yea I 'm crazy.  I just said I can't handle the stress.
But we're in a different situation than we were before.  But that doesn't mean I want to have them right away.  I want to wait 4 years before having another baby.  That way my baby will be a toddler and going to preschool and I can then focus on taking care of the next set.
I sound terrible.  Ugh.

Sorry for the long venting.  I'm just frustrated that I have this invisible pressure to have more kids because I have one.

Oh and then there's that!!
Just because I have a kid doesn't automatically make me comfortable around OTHER peoples kids.  I'm still terrified of my sister in laws kids and they are the sweetest kids you'll ever meet!!
I prefer staying in my own space and just entertaining my baby ALONE.
I don't mind when they come to visit mind you, but not for very long because I can get overwhelmed very easily.

Ah.
That felt good to get that out.
^-^

Sorry for the long rant.  I really needed that.

My life as a mom

Raines growth
Another month has just whoosed by and to be honest I'm floored.
Baby raine is now 8 months old. She is ready learning to use the furniture and us as props to help her walk and she juat decided to do it one day. I have a feeling once she gets the strength and balance she will take off! Other developments is that she now has 2 lower incisors (2 bottom front teeth), gotten taller, gained 2 pounds, takes a bottle (yay!), now crawls on her knees And has a slight case of separation anxiety.
I love watching her grow. This is my favorite stage of hers. She's very social and enjoys smiling. She looks very close to how I did as a baby too. Big eyes, small lips and whispy blonde hair.

Cat tamer?

So we own this cat that just showed up one days as a kitten. Not like tiny kitten but still a kitten. He looked just like one of the other cats we used to have at the time (he died 2 months later of old age). He came before I moved here so everyone called him the "imposter" because again, he looked like our other cat yoda.
I took it upon myself to name him "po" because he reminded me of kung fu panda. He didn't really fit in at first.  Well actually we don't know the gender but we say he.
Anyway, po is EXTREMELY skittish. He wouldn't let anyone come near him. It took me 6 months but I was finally able to work from being able to watch him eat and him not running off, to being  able to slightly stroke him with a finger to full on back scratching. And now I can pick him up and hold him for 30 seconds without him leaping out of my hands. We're working on eye contact right now. He doesn't like to look anyone in the face.
He's my cat. I claim him as mine because no one else wants him. When I move I hope he'll let me take him so he can live with me.

Tired of feeling like everyone says you have free time because you stay at home? Yea me too. 

So here's the deal. I get told a lot that I should have time to do everything because I stay at home. Quite frankly, do you KNOW what my day is like? Of course you don't. Because if you did you wouldn't be asking me what I do in my spare time.  I thinkn i can say for s.a.h.m everywhere that when I get a chance to sit down and watch tv, I'm constantly working on another project or playing with my baby.
Here is my daily schedule:

6:30 am:
waking up officially for her day and her first feeding with a diaper change
For the next 2 hours I clean up the house. That means start the laundry If there's a load, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning pots, sweeping, making my bed, picking up my room etc.

8:30 am:
Another feeding for raine and changing her diaper
For the next 2 hours I'm doing more laundry, entertaining raine, looking up dinner ideas and figuring out what to eat for breakfast.

10:30 am
Raines first nap, changing her diaper and another feeding.
I give her a bath every 1-2 days. So I do that before her nap so she's cozy and clean. It helps her sleep better.
Now her morning naps vary between 30 minutes to an 1 hour. Its a guessing game everyday.

11:30 am
I take raine out to get the mail so she can get some outside time. I hate bees so I don't normally go outside ever. Plus there might be a yellow jacket nest somewhere so I really don't like going out. And there's a stray black lab in our neighboorhood and I don't want to know if its friendly or not.
After getting the mail with her, I come back inside and see what I can eat for lunch.
Sometimes my mother in law will come home for lunch so I at least have some adult conversation in my afternoon.
I need to shower so I stich her in the high chair and place her in the bathroom with me so I can keep an eye in her so she can see me.

12:00 pm
Raines feeding time and changing her diaper
Entertaining her and finding another project to do. From crocheting to sewing for things I need for raine. Like bibs or jackets etc
That is what I do for the next 2 hours.

2:00-3:00 pm
The battle of nap time
It's feeding time of solids, bottle of formula, diaper change and trying to put raine down for her afternoon nap. She likes to stay awake in the afternoon but she's already been up 2 hours so she's tired. Which means a fussy baby.
I do the routine mentioned and then I have one of 2 choices now.
Either I take a nap after putting her in her crib or I start preparing dinner. Depending on how elaborate it is.
I normally don't nap.

5:00 pm
Raine is now up. Feeding time, diaper change.
My mother in law will be home within the hour.
Working on the last parts of dinner.
For the next 2 hours I entertain raine and prepare for her bed time routine. Unwinding and more cleaning.

7:00 pm
The husband returns from work and showers. Baby raine is getting fussy because she's tired but won't sleep because she's happy to see everyone is home.
For the next 2 hours I work with her and comfort her. Feeding and diaper change. Also dinner time.

9:00 pm
Depending on if she's teething she might be asleep. If not she won't sleep officially til almost 10 pm

10:00 pm
Raine is finally asleep. I now have the time to talk to my now exhausted husband. The conversation is usually goodnight and see you tomorrow.

12:00 am.
Oh I'm sorry did you think I would sleep through the night?
Raines feeding. A diaper change isn't usually neccesary because she's sleeping. Depends honestly.

4:30 am
Raines feeding and diaper change.
I usually can't fall back asleep because my husband is about to get up for work and I want to see him. So I fall asleep at 5:30 ish almost 6:00 am.

And there you have it. My entire schedule. I don't do well on little sleep but I manage because I have an amazing husband and a mother in law who help me when I need it.
So in the future, don't try and make s.a.h.m feel guilty for having time to do things when they can.

Fun weekend planned april 2013

So today is full of adventure!
Im at the salon getting my hair re coloured and my hubby is reading jesus the Christ to raine in Portuguese.
(she loves it)
So we got shopping planned and a few other things as well.
In the pictures, we had just gotten done changing her and caleb decided to put her pants on her head. I thought it to be pretty hilarious and ended up playing with them for a while. (that was yesterday)
This morning, raine was in another playful mood so we played with her again for some time before leaving for my appt. We were late but it was well worth it because these moments are hard to come by when he's busy working.

Feeling humble...

Today I want to talk about something that happens sometimes to many women......It's a very sensitive subject and with what I write, I by NO MEANS am aiming to rub it in your face or make you feel worse about it.....
I am writing this because I want to thank you for being brave enough to post or even share those precious experiences you have.
I thank you again in advance, for teaching me to be humble and grateful for what I have.

So here I am.  Sitting in my room, killing time, as my daughter is crying in her crib.  Sometimes I have to let her sit in her crib and cry a little because she is so wound up that rocking isn't enough.  So I do what parent's do and let her cry for 10 minutes and when I return she either is asleep or has calmed down to were I can help.  So it's so she doesn't get sick of me or me of her.  It works out beautifully and what works for us.
I mention this because it's important to know the scene.......
I was looking at one of my families blogs and catching up on how they were doing.  After scanning through the information on how they were doing and seeing the pictures, a blog my aunt was following caught my attention.  I love to read other's blogs and this one seemed to be about another family.  So I went ahead and clicked on it and decided to check it out.
As the screen loaded the blog, a picture of the family was the first thing I noticed.  It was the couple together on there wedding day and then a picture of 2 young children.  One was a newborn and the other looked to be a year or so.
It took me a moment to realize that there was something odd about how the newborn looked.  As I stared and studied the picture, it dawned on me that there WAS something wrong with the baby.  As my eyes dropped down the screen, I saw another picture of said newborn and a timeline that said roughly how long the baby had left this earth and returned to our heavenly father.

My heart sank.
Emotions ran over me completely.  Sadness and remorse for this mother consumed me.   I scrolled to the bottom of her posts so that I could see what had happened to her little family.
Her son had been stillborn.......lost in the last trimester of her pregnancy....
That's all I can write about the situation itself because if I write more, I won't be able to see my screen.

That is what I would like to talk about.

I didn't look up statistics or anything but I know that I read a few articles and stories lately about this happening to mothers recently or like the one I read, in the past.

Now I personally don't have any experience with this but I can say that I'm very grateful to have my daughter here with me.  I know that I'm selfish and think sometimes what it would be like to not have her here and what I could be doing.
Heavenly father has a funny way of giving me a slap in the face when I need it.  This is one of those times when I needed it.

I was again, selfishly thinking about my anniversary  next month and contemplating what it would be like if Raine was older if this, or if that.
It's normal to feel this way but I still have guilt for thinking this way.

It's very heart renching for me to read stories like the one I just did but I'm glad that those brave, courageous mothers, are willing to share there stories of there babies with me.  It's a way for me to feel like I'm socializing in a way because I'm reading what they feel.

After reading said blog, I composed myself and checked on my baby girl.  She was sleeping in the funniest of  poses with her rump stuck straight up in the air and her mouth hanging wide open.  I giggled to myself as I stared at my little girl.  I thought to myself in that small moment....."I made her. She's here with me and look at how precious she is."
Being a mother is hard work.  I'm a stay at home mom but I understand how hard it can be to leave your little one even for an hour.  I applaud working moms because I don't know if I'm the type of person who could do that.
I'm proud to be a mom.  It's been a long time for me to say that but reading this story just let it click in my head that I am one and how happy the joy is to have that little one in my arms.
Playing with me, Laughing with me.....I'm so humble to have those experiences when i know others don't.  Again I by no means am trying to make you feel worse if you aren't able to have children.  I just want to express how I feel about my daughter because I know that her life is so precious to me.

She is growing up so fast and I know that it's really cliche to say that but it's really true.  March has just FLOWN by and April is right around the corner.  She'll be a year old before I know it and I hope that I can capture those moments with her the best way I can.

Tendinitis...??????? And yummy fudge. :0

Soooooo for those that may not know me, I am OBSESSED with yarn.  Or in other words crocheting.  I love to make things with my hands and be creative and artistic.  The possibilities are endless with yarn!!!
Sadly that has lead to my wrist on my left hand getting injured....
It's been bugging me for some time now but it's gotten worse over the past month and the past WEEK it's gotten so bad I had to buy a splint from Wallgreens to keep it from moving because the pain was increasing each day.
I saw the Doc about it and she informed me that I had to get a prescribed splint to limit mobility and get X-rays.  She said that it might be tendinitis or something with my joint because it is popping like C-RAZY and it  hurts quite a bit.  I have to wear the guard all day or else I can't pick up my baby without having to drop her and shifting her to my other hand.
Ironically, it's my non-dominant hand that is giving me all the trouble so I have no clue why it's being so stubborn and acting up so much.

So if you don't know what tendinitis is, I looked it up on the mayoclinic.com website and this is what they describe it as:

Tendinitis is inflammation or irritation of a tendon — any one of the thick fibrous cords that attaches muscle to bone. The condition causes pain and tenderness just outside a joint. While tendinitis can occur in any of your body's tendons, it's most common around your shoulders, elbows, wrists and heels.

So I won't know for a month what the world it is because my doc hasn't called me about the results yet.  All I know is that my right hand is getting it too and I'm looking forward to another wrist guard on my other hand :p


Now in other news,
Today is a special day for me and I got raine all dolled up for cuteness just in case I plan on going somewhere later.  

(This picture below was taken yesterday)

 Baby Raine is a joyful, young spirit that is experimenting with crawling.  It's pretty entertaining to watch her til she falls and smacks her head on the ground. But that's how babies learn is through trial and error.

I had my amazing sister in law make me some cake batter fudge and it is AMAZING.  She found it on her pinterest and I LOVE it.  It's so good that I will hog it to myself and not share it.  LOL Besides, my in laws and hubby don't like sweets like I do.
It's cake and it's alllll mine :3

A boring day....

So today is pretty uneventful and I'm bored out of my mind.
Even when baby raine is up I have nothing to do and I don't want to plaster myself in front of the TV just to entertain myself when she's occupying her time with toys.  I do my best to play with her when I can because I know she needs interaction time with me.  But that can be hard to maintain when she's still so little and I have myself have a VERY short attention span.

I've done all that I can to keep myself busy.  From laundry to doing kitchen cleaning and doing the daily ritual of Raine's feeding and things.  For the past 2 hours I've had time to relax but due to the fact that I have to keep my hands busy because I lack the ability to stay still, it can be challenging.

I would crochet but I have to put a halt to that due to the reason being that I have a problem with my wrist and it popping out of place for some reason.

Hopefully something will happen today because I'm tired of watching youtube :p