Today I want to talk about something that happens sometimes to many women......It's a very sensitive subject and with what I write, I by NO MEANS am aiming to rub it in your face or make you feel worse about it.....
I am writing this because I want to thank you for being brave enough to post or even share those precious experiences you have.
I thank you again in advance, for teaching me to be humble and grateful for what I have.
So here I am. Sitting in my room, killing time, as my daughter is crying in her crib. Sometimes I have to let her sit in her crib and cry a little because she is so wound up that rocking isn't enough. So I do what parent's do and let her cry for 10 minutes and when I return she either is asleep or has calmed down to were I can help. So it's so she doesn't get sick of me or me of her. It works out beautifully and what works for us.
I mention this because it's important to know the scene.......
I was looking at one of my families blogs and catching up on how they were doing. After scanning through the information on how they were doing and seeing the pictures, a blog my aunt was following caught my attention. I love to read other's blogs and this one seemed to be about another family. So I went ahead and clicked on it and decided to check it out.
As the screen loaded the blog, a picture of the family was the first thing I noticed. It was the couple together on there wedding day and then a picture of 2 young children. One was a newborn and the other looked to be a year or so.
It took me a moment to realize that there was something odd about how the newborn looked. As I stared and studied the picture, it dawned on me that there WAS something wrong with the baby. As my eyes dropped down the screen, I saw another picture of said newborn and a timeline that said roughly how long the baby had left this earth and returned to our heavenly father.
My heart sank.
Emotions ran over me completely. Sadness and remorse for this mother consumed me. I scrolled to the bottom of her posts so that I could see what had happened to her little family.
Her son had been stillborn.......lost in the last trimester of her pregnancy....
That's all I can write about the situation itself because if I write more, I won't be able to see my screen.
That is what I would like to talk about.
I didn't look up statistics or anything but I know that I read a few articles and stories lately about this happening to mothers recently or like the one I read, in the past.
Now I personally don't have any experience with this but I can say that I'm very grateful to have my daughter here with me. I know that I'm selfish and think sometimes what it would be like to not have her here and what I could be doing.
Heavenly father has a funny way of giving me a slap in the face when I need it. This is one of those times when I needed it.
I was again, selfishly thinking about my anniversary next month and contemplating what it would be like if Raine was older if this, or if that.
It's normal to feel this way but I still have guilt for thinking this way.
It's very heart renching for me to read stories like the one I just did but I'm glad that those brave, courageous mothers, are willing to share there stories of there babies with me. It's a way for me to feel like I'm socializing in a way because I'm reading what they feel.
After reading said blog, I composed myself and checked on my baby girl. She was sleeping in the funniest of poses with her rump stuck straight up in the air and her mouth hanging wide open. I giggled to myself as I stared at my little girl. I thought to myself in that small moment....."I made her. She's here with me and look at how precious she is."
Being a mother is hard work. I'm a stay at home mom but I understand how hard it can be to leave your little one even for an hour. I applaud working moms because I don't know if I'm the type of person who could do that.
I'm proud to be a mom. It's been a long time for me to say that but reading this story just let it click in my head that I am one and how happy the joy is to have that little one in my arms.
Playing with me, Laughing with me.....I'm so humble to have those experiences when i know others don't. Again I by no means am trying to make you feel worse if you aren't able to have children. I just want to express how I feel about my daughter because I know that her life is so precious to me.
She is growing up so fast and I know that it's really cliche to say that but it's really true. March has just FLOWN by and April is right around the corner. She'll be a year old before I know it and I hope that I can capture those moments with her the best way I can.
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