Hubby is going to china????

http://funds.gofundme.com/mcwforchina
Calebs Educational venture to Bejing China!

I have posted the link to my husbands gofundme campaign.  He has the rare opportunity to go to Beijing due to have excellent academic success and leadership for his Political Science degree.  It will give him the edge that he needs so that he can be able to better himself for his future career.

There are more details on that page if you are looking for more information or you can simply ask here ^-^

I'll be posting pictures of the letter to help legitimize and authenticate this event.

If you can help in anyway, please do!  If not, at least share the link so that we can spread the word, we need at least half of what he needs as a down payment by February 21st!

Tales of the Narcissistic Parent.....

My brother is coming home from his Mormon mission in a week and I am SO excited to see him.  I haven't been around him for 2 years and needless to say, I can't wait to see him again.

But with the reuniting of my little brother comes the reuniting of my WHOLE family... I don't want to paint the image that they are terrible people but let's just say that I have an issue with one person in particular today anyway....

Let's get to the point.  My mother is a Narcissist.  What does that mean??? And why am I bringing it up??

Well there's to many definitions that could play here but for the sake of answering, it means it's all about "HER".  

I'm VENTING today because I'm super stressed about my trip and feel that this is a way to get it out there.

AAAnway, so I'm very very frustrated.  I called my mom today to let her know a few concerns I had for the well fare of my child.
I asked her POLIETLY if she could be more AWARE of the fact that she tends to yell a lot.  My daughter is NEVER around that and she is very sensitive to that sort of thing.  I want this to be a good experience for my daughter.  NOT a negative one.
What do you think my mom said when I told her that?
She went BERSERK.  She started bringing up all this stuff from a long time ago that had NOTHING to do with our conversation and saying that I was trying to make the conversation YUCKY because of what I had suggested to her.  And how I couldn't judge her and that she wouldn't change for me at all.  And then the cherry on the cake was when she said that if I had SUCH an issue with it, that I could make arrangements to stay with another friend while I was visiting.

OH! By the way.  I already did because I foresaw this happening MONTHS ago.
For the love of all that's holy my mom can't even RESPECT the ONE THING that would help my daughter be more comfortable.  And it's not even for me it's about my kid.  I want her to like visiting and not be frightened whenever she visits if EVER.

Hopefully these 10 days that I'm visiting will go by quickly so I don't have to spend to much time there. My mom stresses me out so much I haven't been able to sleep for a week because of some crap she'll pull while I'm there.  And my crap I mean drama.
Don't get me wrong, my mom I guess has the intentions to be a good person but she to me, feels like nothing is ever her fault.
Well I moved 2,000 miles away from her so that my daughter could grow up without having that negative energy around her CONSTANTLY.  I'm going to freaking therapy for pete sake because of her!  UGH!!

You know what she told me??  She said that She wanted to, and I quote: "Break my daughter in like the military."  She means that she'll be yelling around her because she wants her to get used to it.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? With those words ALONE I shouldn't even visit!!! 

My moms nuts.  Sigh.  Thank you Jenny for being my savior and letting me spend the rest of my trip with you.

Child number 2.......When, what, how and HUH????? (NOT A PREGO ANNOUNCMENT)

Alright parents.  It's that time for the cliche expression that you hear WAY to often.  (You have been warned!)

My kid is growing up WAY to fast.  She is going to be a YEAR OLD next month.  It's amazing how fast they develop from that tiny little newborn into this talkative, giggly, playful, smiley, and trying new things baby.  But she won't be a baby technically anymore next month.  She'll be a....gulp.....toddler.

Insecurities kicking in here.  I get overwhelmed thinking about her being a....toddler.......
I've had this.....fear of my daughter growing older.  Not like I want to be changing diapers all my life but here's the deal.

I see my friends and family (no judging) who get pregnant after there child is about roughly almost 2 years old.

1. How in the WORLD are you emotionally ready for something like that??
2. Do you try and potty train that kid at that age?
3. Is it a mutual decision or is it just you or the other who wants too?

The questions could go on and on.  Let me emphasis that I have NO problem with someone getting pregnant again after the little one turns 1.  It's just ME personally that has a problem with it.  There are NUMEROUS reasons why it's not a good idea for us even 6 months from now to start trying that.  But that's not something up for open discussion.

To be honest, I'm terrified.  I'm just getting to know this beautiful little girl that I had the blessing of receiving and getting the practice down and to think that our original plan was to try 6 months from now to get knocked up with another one????  Pffffft yea right!!!

But here's the catch.  I want my kids to be spaced apart so many years but not to far apart because I like my sanity.
I'm at the point right now were I'm telling my husband that I'm done.  Physically, emotionally everything.  But that's not what my patriarchal blessing is telling me.  For those of you who don't know that that is I've added a link so you can read it on the churches website.

To explain what I mean, it says basically that one of the greatest gifts for me would be to bring CHILDREN not CHILD into this world.
Pressure much? a little.
My husband is all ball game.  Me?
Yea......right.......

I won't lie sometimes I have this kick in me going into to overdrive that tells me I physically and emotionally WANT another one.  For reasons I cannot fathom or explain.  I just quickly smother that thought before it evolves to quickly.  So I guess there is a part of me that wants to but I have no spirit telling me that it's something I should be focusing on right now.  Not only that but I love only having one baby because I'm getting sleep again! haha

So in short, I just need to practice having faith in the lord and myself.  I"m terrible about doing that and I need to get my butt in gear with it again.  Who knows what the good lord will have in store for me.

Looking forward

So there are some very good blessings taking place in our life right now.
My husband, bless his heart, got another job from one of our fellow ward members here in the ward we live in.  Honestly, they are the biggest blessing we have because if it wasn't for them, we would still be overwhelmed with trying to find another job right now for him.  Thankfully, this job is in the same town as his school so he won't have to commute to 2 different places anymore!!!!
Double blessing.  And on top of it, the gentleman he works for, works for a college in a neighboring town, so he's giving financial aid tips to my hubby and I so that way, we can get the best bang for our buck.

I have so much to be grateful for in my life.  Sometimes it can be hard because when you constantly worry about what's not going to happen, it keeps you from enjoying what you have currently right in front of you.

I sadly am a perfect description of this.  I worry so much about the future.  My husband constantly tells me I shouldn't because it's not in my control.  He figured that out after he got out of highschool which is why he knows it's possible to survive without the worry or guilt.  That's why he's my rock.  He helps me realize that no matter what happens, there will be a blessing behind a door for us to open.

I think one of the hardest times I realize what blessings I have is when I'm at home alone with nothing to do.  I finally finished all my big projects which was making aprons for the sister missionaries and making a decorated letter for my daughters room. (Pictures coming soon!)

It's hard when I have the fussy baby, who wants me to hold her but wants to be moving around at the same time.  Undecided, on what she wants.  I can tell she's tired but she won't do anything that resembles sleep.  So it's time's like that when I'm doing what I can to be patient, and she's throwing her head back and screaming at the top of her lungs.  Let me tell you, that's the hard part about parenting.  Not the hardest, but one of the trials that every parent must face.

Thankfully she fell asleep after I did my "10 minute rule" with her.  For those of you not familiar with that, it means that I give her 10 minutes to herself in her crib.  Usually with some music and a pacifier toy, so she can cry out her frustration.  Because sometimes that's all she needs to unwind.  I don't do this all the time I would hope, but when it's times like this when she's screaming and everything I try isn't working after cuddling, rocking, nursing, walking around while holding her etc.  That's when I result to this rule.

So I guess in conclusion to this post would be that, the future shouldn't be something to freak out over and naps are my best friend.

Losing my mind...

I'm warning y'all that I'm going on a ranting spree today.


I'm sure that moms will just have one of those years or days (which ever you chose).  There's always going to be some type of trial in my life that is going to give me some sort of panic attack or make me feel like I can't do anything to fix it.
Kinda like what we have going on right now.

My amazing husband was able to get into school here in Georgia (yay!).  That's really the whole point we moved here was so that he could do that.  Now the hard part.
He has to quit a job that is paying him well enough to meet our expenses and pay off our car, to were he will now be working minimum wage and only working a couple hours everyday.  The perks is that it'll be in the same town he's going to school in so that'll be good for our gas.  Sadly not for paying off car.  I don't believe in credit cards or paying off debt with debt.  But, with the circumstances we have right now, it looks like we are going to be dealing with that possibly.

I'm so frustrated because I want to do SOMETHING.  I feel powerless sitting here at home and not doing working or contributing.  That's only part 1 of why I'm losing my mind...

The other matter at hand is that I rarely ever get out much.  I don't want to go outside now that it's summer and the humidity is going to get to baby girl and me.  Even if I had a car were in the world would I go?  I don't know where things are around here and I have no one to go with.  Having a baby is great but I have no money to spend on her.
So when the family is all here and I suggest (more like beg because of the serious cabin fever), something comes up to where we don't go do anything.
That's part 2 of why I'm losing my mind....

Recently I've felt so much more closed off to people.  Especially my husband.  Our relationship is changing and evolving as we are together.  One thing I have a hard time with now is his schedule.  He's gone from 6 am til 7 pm and by the time he comes home, my baby is getting fussy and wants to go to bed.  I get irritated since i haven't had a break from her all day (I don't mind staying with her but let's be honest....mommies need a break too)
So then I go off and try to soothe her til she's tired enough to fall asleep and when all that's done, my husband is in bed and I don't get to talk to him.

I"m sure that everyone will tell me that they had a period of time in there lives when they weren't close to there spouse because of jobs or school or whatever but it's difficult for me.  Especially since we live with my mother in law.  She's awesome and helps take care of us since we can't afford to live on our own yet.  But let me tell you.  Not having your own space is hard because you don't get to do what you want too.

I'm finding it easier to stay away from people here because I have no friends here.  Therefore I just make the excuse that I don't want to do anything because I have no one to keep my company.  But when I do need to talk to someone, my poor husband has to hear all the things I would rather tell a girlfriend.  Because girls just get that sorta thing.  Guys don't.  But at least my husband is willing to listen.

Today I'm bored out of my mind.  My husbands at work, the boys went off shooting (couldn't go do that because Raine needed to take a nap and the guns are to loud for her anyway), the female in laws are talking furniture and that pretty much sums up my whole list of people I could talk to or do anything with.  All the activities we had planned for today went flying out the window so now everyone's just doing there own thing.

I"m trying to soothe my boredom by blogging but there's only so much I can write.

Well, here's to hoping something comes up so I won't go crazy.,,,,,

Dizzy spells and feeling weak... AND RAINE IS 9 months today!!!

Man it's been a while since I blogged.  I know i disappeared for a while but I'm back now :)

So I don't know what the deal is but I've been having TERRIBLE dizzy spells for the past 2 days.  I'm eating and drinking plenty of water now but even after that....
Yesterday it was so bad that I had to force myself to lie down.  Let me tell you, having a 9 month old is not easy because she wanted me to hold her but I couldn't even sit up.  So that particular one lasted for over 20 minutes.  I tried calling one of my in laws to come over and sit with me but sadly I couldn't get a hold of her.  I'm actually currently experiencing one right now.  Every time I turn my head or even move the slightest bit, my head starts to spin.  T-T.  sadness.

I need to call a doctor and let them know what's going on.  So I'll let you guys know what's going on with that later.

Moving on before I finish this, Raine just turned 9 months old today :D These past 6 months have literally just  flown by and I have no idea were they are going :P

So here are 9 things have developed just within the 9 month mark:
1. Her hair is Curling!
2. Has another tooth coming in
3. Can click her tongue
4. Can walk around the livingroom with the sofas help
5.Discovered she can climb under chairs and other obstacles
6. Slaps at water in tub to drink it off her hands.
7. Loves a combination of "chase me" and peek-a-boo
8. Refuses to let go of her animal toys so she'll crawl with 1 in each hand.
9. When we put her hands together, she'll flatten them so we'll clap them for her.


I love my baby girl so much.  She is growing up so quickly and soon enough I won't be able to catch up to her haha

Funny story:
My brother in law is getting married next week, so he is currently residing in the room where she usually sleeps.  For now she is sleeping in our room in a pac n play.
Here is what's funny.
So I had just put her down for the night and of course she didn't want to go to sleep because she was wound  up.  So what did she do after I crawled into bed and turned the lights out?
Well being the creative little bean that she is, she began throwing herself against the netting in the crib.  Not because she was angry or upset but because she was getting her extra energy out.  She would bounce back and forth on it and giggle uncontroably.  Then she would stand up and hold onto the side of the pac n play and then let her hands go and let herself fall backwards until she hit the floor of it.  Again, she would giggle and laugh and then roll around her pac n play.  Lastly she then would sit up and stare up at the ceiling (remember it's dark so you couldn't see it), then fall backwards.
Raine did this I kid you not for a half an hour!  I have no complaints because I was able to relax in bed and watch her :3

That's how I know she's mine because she's such a happy, imaginative baby :D

Day 2...Sad Day to start

WELL last night was a total disaster.  I didn't know about an afternoon snack which would have been helpful. I went WAY to long without eating because I got distracted taking care of baby face.  So when it came to the dinner portion of my day I felt so sick with my stomach cramping and nausea to boot, I couldn't really stomach juice.
So my husband being the glory of all husbands ever, took me out to eat and after eating out to help regain some ground on my hunger, it made me feel WORSE.  I honestly felt like I was pregnant again and believe me I HATED that feeling. (this is by no way an announcement either!)

So I came home and drank water to help settle my stomach and went to bed.  I woke up at 2 am feeling still miserable and took in some more water.  I didn't fall back asleep til almost four am.  Ugh.

So here I am now taking it even slower because I have to recover from yesterday after not taking it in correctly.  I'm still going to have the juice every meal but I'm going to take in regular meals first.

Wish me luck!

Now I want to say that my husband is amazing because he surprised me this morning and didn't have to work at all!
I came out of the bedroom to go and get baby and he jumped out and said he was going to make me breakfast.  YAY!

So here's to an awesome memorial day weekend!