Ever feel like when you finally have that free time you get nervous??

So this is kinda a follow up to the last post I made.
Okay it's not kinda it just is.

So yesterday, Raine fell asleep at 7:30 and I got done doing dishes and cleaning up after 8:00 pm and I honestly thought that she was going to be up again and that I would have to put her back down. Which would have taken me a half an hour.
She didn't wake up after a half hour of putting her down so I sat down and decided to watch some T.V.

I suddenly got all antsy.  "I have free time to myself without having to worry about the baby waking up soon."

The whole house was quiet as I watched Buffy the vampire slayer.

The silence was killing me.
My husband came in and asked me what I was up too.  I explained to him how I felt and he was really confused as to why.
"But why?  Raine's asleep and all the chores in the house are done.  What do you think is bothering you?"
My husband said.

"Well.... I feel like I should be doing some kind of chore.  Like I should be cleaning or preparing dinner for tomorrow.  I feel like I shouldn't relax."

My husband stood up and took me to another room so I could get away from the distraction of the TV.  It was really messing with my sense of ease because of the extra noise.

We talked things over and he helped me realize that it's okay for me to do things I like when I can do them.  

I think that S.A.H.M. have this stereotypical reputation that says that they should be doing something constantly and criticized when they aren't.  That is ridiculous.  I'm NOT lazy.  I make sure I have all the laundry done, dinner prepared, baby taken care, bedrooms picked up, trash dumped, cats fed etc.  Before I even try and sit down.  That's right I'm sitting down BLOGGING but I'm waiting for the laundry to get done.

So mother's at home, don't feel guilty for taking that time and relaxing for a moment.  There is no reason we should feel this way.
I remember that when my baby was a few months old that I had the HARDEST time trying to cook dinner because my baby wanted me to hold her.  But I couldn't do that because I had a gas stove.  So you know what I did?  I had to let her cry so I could cook dinner for my husband.  We were getting assistance from the church so we didn't have things like microwave dinners.  Everything we got had to be prepared and cooked on the stove or in the oven.  Which in the long was healthier for us.

It was a lot of work and it was hard at times because I didn't want my baby to cry but I was the only one at home.
What was I supposed to do?  I didn't want my baby to be in harms way so I did what I could.

There were a few times when I couldn't cook dinner and my husband had to have hotdogs several nights in a row.
I felt bad because I felt that since I was at home, I should be able to do that.

Who are we kidding???
When you're adapting to a new sleep schedule, a newborn, and still trying to maintain the house at that stage it's ridiculous!!!!!
I"m just now getting to the point were I can blog at least once a week and do some of the things I like without having to worry so much about my baby because she can entertain herself.

Oh and then there's the fact that once you're baby get's to the point of entertaining themselves that most couples want another baby.

REALLY??????
I think that's fine if know that you can handle it but me personally, I KNOW I can't handle that stress.  Yea I have thought about having another baby but I want to wait til my baby is out of her diapers first before trying to throw another out there and having to potty train two kids at the same time ya know what I mean?

Oh the baby conversation....
Now don't get me wrong.  I want twins next.  Yea I 'm crazy.  I just said I can't handle the stress.
But we're in a different situation than we were before.  But that doesn't mean I want to have them right away.  I want to wait 4 years before having another baby.  That way my baby will be a toddler and going to preschool and I can then focus on taking care of the next set.
I sound terrible.  Ugh.

Sorry for the long venting.  I'm just frustrated that I have this invisible pressure to have more kids because I have one.

Oh and then there's that!!
Just because I have a kid doesn't automatically make me comfortable around OTHER peoples kids.  I'm still terrified of my sister in laws kids and they are the sweetest kids you'll ever meet!!
I prefer staying in my own space and just entertaining my baby ALONE.
I don't mind when they come to visit mind you, but not for very long because I can get overwhelmed very easily.

Ah.
That felt good to get that out.
^-^

Sorry for the long rant.  I really needed that.