Losing my mind...

I'm warning y'all that I'm going on a ranting spree today.


I'm sure that moms will just have one of those years or days (which ever you chose).  There's always going to be some type of trial in my life that is going to give me some sort of panic attack or make me feel like I can't do anything to fix it.
Kinda like what we have going on right now.

My amazing husband was able to get into school here in Georgia (yay!).  That's really the whole point we moved here was so that he could do that.  Now the hard part.
He has to quit a job that is paying him well enough to meet our expenses and pay off our car, to were he will now be working minimum wage and only working a couple hours everyday.  The perks is that it'll be in the same town he's going to school in so that'll be good for our gas.  Sadly not for paying off car.  I don't believe in credit cards or paying off debt with debt.  But, with the circumstances we have right now, it looks like we are going to be dealing with that possibly.

I'm so frustrated because I want to do SOMETHING.  I feel powerless sitting here at home and not doing working or contributing.  That's only part 1 of why I'm losing my mind...

The other matter at hand is that I rarely ever get out much.  I don't want to go outside now that it's summer and the humidity is going to get to baby girl and me.  Even if I had a car were in the world would I go?  I don't know where things are around here and I have no one to go with.  Having a baby is great but I have no money to spend on her.
So when the family is all here and I suggest (more like beg because of the serious cabin fever), something comes up to where we don't go do anything.
That's part 2 of why I'm losing my mind....

Recently I've felt so much more closed off to people.  Especially my husband.  Our relationship is changing and evolving as we are together.  One thing I have a hard time with now is his schedule.  He's gone from 6 am til 7 pm and by the time he comes home, my baby is getting fussy and wants to go to bed.  I get irritated since i haven't had a break from her all day (I don't mind staying with her but let's be honest....mommies need a break too)
So then I go off and try to soothe her til she's tired enough to fall asleep and when all that's done, my husband is in bed and I don't get to talk to him.

I"m sure that everyone will tell me that they had a period of time in there lives when they weren't close to there spouse because of jobs or school or whatever but it's difficult for me.  Especially since we live with my mother in law.  She's awesome and helps take care of us since we can't afford to live on our own yet.  But let me tell you.  Not having your own space is hard because you don't get to do what you want too.

I'm finding it easier to stay away from people here because I have no friends here.  Therefore I just make the excuse that I don't want to do anything because I have no one to keep my company.  But when I do need to talk to someone, my poor husband has to hear all the things I would rather tell a girlfriend.  Because girls just get that sorta thing.  Guys don't.  But at least my husband is willing to listen.

Today I'm bored out of my mind.  My husbands at work, the boys went off shooting (couldn't go do that because Raine needed to take a nap and the guns are to loud for her anyway), the female in laws are talking furniture and that pretty much sums up my whole list of people I could talk to or do anything with.  All the activities we had planned for today went flying out the window so now everyone's just doing there own thing.

I"m trying to soothe my boredom by blogging but there's only so much I can write.

Well, here's to hoping something comes up so I won't go crazy.,,,,,

Dizzy spells and feeling weak... AND RAINE IS 9 months today!!!

Man it's been a while since I blogged.  I know i disappeared for a while but I'm back now :)

So I don't know what the deal is but I've been having TERRIBLE dizzy spells for the past 2 days.  I'm eating and drinking plenty of water now but even after that....
Yesterday it was so bad that I had to force myself to lie down.  Let me tell you, having a 9 month old is not easy because she wanted me to hold her but I couldn't even sit up.  So that particular one lasted for over 20 minutes.  I tried calling one of my in laws to come over and sit with me but sadly I couldn't get a hold of her.  I'm actually currently experiencing one right now.  Every time I turn my head or even move the slightest bit, my head starts to spin.  T-T.  sadness.

I need to call a doctor and let them know what's going on.  So I'll let you guys know what's going on with that later.

Moving on before I finish this, Raine just turned 9 months old today :D These past 6 months have literally just  flown by and I have no idea were they are going :P

So here are 9 things have developed just within the 9 month mark:
1. Her hair is Curling!
2. Has another tooth coming in
3. Can click her tongue
4. Can walk around the livingroom with the sofas help
5.Discovered she can climb under chairs and other obstacles
6. Slaps at water in tub to drink it off her hands.
7. Loves a combination of "chase me" and peek-a-boo
8. Refuses to let go of her animal toys so she'll crawl with 1 in each hand.
9. When we put her hands together, she'll flatten them so we'll clap them for her.


I love my baby girl so much.  She is growing up so quickly and soon enough I won't be able to catch up to her haha

Funny story:
My brother in law is getting married next week, so he is currently residing in the room where she usually sleeps.  For now she is sleeping in our room in a pac n play.
Here is what's funny.
So I had just put her down for the night and of course she didn't want to go to sleep because she was wound  up.  So what did she do after I crawled into bed and turned the lights out?
Well being the creative little bean that she is, she began throwing herself against the netting in the crib.  Not because she was angry or upset but because she was getting her extra energy out.  She would bounce back and forth on it and giggle uncontroably.  Then she would stand up and hold onto the side of the pac n play and then let her hands go and let herself fall backwards until she hit the floor of it.  Again, she would giggle and laugh and then roll around her pac n play.  Lastly she then would sit up and stare up at the ceiling (remember it's dark so you couldn't see it), then fall backwards.
Raine did this I kid you not for a half an hour!  I have no complaints because I was able to relax in bed and watch her :3

That's how I know she's mine because she's such a happy, imaginative baby :D

Day 2...Sad Day to start

WELL last night was a total disaster.  I didn't know about an afternoon snack which would have been helpful. I went WAY to long without eating because I got distracted taking care of baby face.  So when it came to the dinner portion of my day I felt so sick with my stomach cramping and nausea to boot, I couldn't really stomach juice.
So my husband being the glory of all husbands ever, took me out to eat and after eating out to help regain some ground on my hunger, it made me feel WORSE.  I honestly felt like I was pregnant again and believe me I HATED that feeling. (this is by no way an announcement either!)

So I came home and drank water to help settle my stomach and went to bed.  I woke up at 2 am feeling still miserable and took in some more water.  I didn't fall back asleep til almost four am.  Ugh.

So here I am now taking it even slower because I have to recover from yesterday after not taking it in correctly.  I'm still going to have the juice every meal but I'm going to take in regular meals first.

Wish me luck!

Now I want to say that my husband is amazing because he surprised me this morning and didn't have to work at all!
I came out of the bedroom to go and get baby and he jumped out and said he was going to make me breakfast.  YAY!

So here's to an awesome memorial day weekend!

Day 1: Feeling good so far

Just so everyone knows I am still nursing.  However, I don't have a juicer but I have a ninja.  Therefore, I am eating the pulp as well.  That way I am eating something solid and getting what I need from that.  And I'm taking in water and having small snacks here and there.  Mostly just light things because I feel satisfied with the pulp/juice mixture.

My routine: http://www.rebootwithjoe.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/5-Day-Plan_Updated.pdf

So here is my story so far:

I'm 23 years old.  I have a beautiful 8 month old daughter who I get to have the pleasure of staying at home with and watching her grow.
I hate to admit it but I eat terrible.  I only eat when I get REALLY hungry and I know that's not good for me considering that I need that energy to take care of my baby.  Plus what ever little food I get, she's getting too.  I know that when I"m eating better, she can go longer periods of time without having to nurse as frequently, because my milk is healthier.
So here's my current know how of me:

Weight: 117.2
Height: 5.1
Physical Problems: anxiety, depression, low energy, difficulty sleeping, frequent headaches and skin problems.

I'm actively working on ALL of my problems right now so there isn't a need to worry about it.  So far I'm making progress on all the mentioned above items.

I'm really embarrassed about mentioning what I have issues with right now but I have to prove to myself that I'm not going to let little things like this keep me in the way of going the distance and fixing my body so that I can become a better person inside and out!

So today I started with having a glass of warm water with lemon juice in it.  Let me tell me, I had a massive case of heart burn this morning so that did NOT help.  But once I got to eating the first meal of the day with my carrots, apples and lemon today, he went away! Baby girl even wanted to try some and she ended up loving it too!

Carrot-Apple-Lemon
4 carrots
2 Apples
1 lemon

As for the taste, it was actually pretty good.  I thought it would taste funky considering that it didn't have anything in it to help sweeten it but to be honest it was nice to not have to sweeten it.
As for energy, I feel really good right now :)

Now as for the exercise part of my day, I do yoga in the morning and in the evening.  I've been doing it for the past week and my back hasn't felt this good since before I was pregnant! And even then I still had issues with it.

Afternoon-

I successfully did a half hour of yoga with my husbands grandma linda, as well as went on a walk with her.

Upon returning I am now trying out the green portion of the day.

Garden Variety
2 apples
2 cucumbers
6-8 kale leaves
(Australian Tuscan cabbage)**
1 handful of parsley

Now I didn't have cabbage but I do have broccoli.  In the substitution list, it says if I don't have that then I could do this instead.

Not going to lie, it doesn't look appetizing.... as for taste..... well considering that I'm eating the pulp too, it's actually not that bad.  I like kale a lot so that doesn't bother me to much to taste the texture of it. I can also say that it does taste a little like dirt but I'm trying not to think about it or else it'll get to me :p

Rebooting my system....with JUICING????

So here's the deal.  I've been wanting to detox my system since FOREVER ago.  And I've gotten a strong impression that I should do just that.
Now I know what you're thinking.  "Your still nursing????"  Yea I know.  But either way, babies getting all the bad toxins in my body way before I even decided to juice my way to a healthier life style.    I find that today's world is promoting us to get fat and just take medicine to get rid of it.  You know my response?
Work out and eat healthier.
But how would one who stays at home do that you ask?

I watched a documentary (which I'm addicted to watching those type of shows) called: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. 
It talks about this guy named Joe from Australia, who was overweight and had health problems.  So what did he do?  For 60 DAYS that's right 60, he went on a strict only Juicing diet and water.  He found that with committment and a turn around on healthier eating and exercise that he was able to get off his prescription drugs and turn himself around completely.  He was monitored by doctors the whole time to check and see his progress and make sure he wasn't putting himself into any danger.  The doctors actually loved what he was doing and told him to keep up the healthy life style.
Now after 60 days, he broke his "fast" as he calls it (he was taking a break from everything like dairy, meat, breads and such). He detoxed himself enough to were it made it easier for his body to handle a different food diet.
That's what I"m going to do.
This was the most inspirational movie I've ever watched and I'm so glad that I finally took the time to watch it.

I'm only doing it 5-6 days mind you because I'm not overweight and have all the problems that he had.  Again, it's only to get my body to restart and then start eating healthier.  It'll also allow me to get the bad stuff out of Raine too.  I feel terrible knowing that I had a part in giving her all the stuff in her body that gives her low energy and other things of that nature.

Right now I'm using this website: http://www.rebootwithjoe.com/rebooting/ (he's the fellow that did the documentary)
To help get me started on my new journey.  Now he recommends not doing it if your pregnant or nursing.  But i've read from other moms like me that it's okay but to take it very slowly.  That means not just jumping into nothing but juicing head on but to add it to eating your solid food still and then slowly working down to that.

So I'll make another post about my story so that way this one isn't so long :p
cheers!

It's booming out here!

So last night we had THE most EPIC thunderstorm I've ever experienced out here thus far.
It shook the entire house with each crack of thunder.  The lightning lit up the whole backyard.  Illuminating the rainfall as it poured hard, and thick onto the grass.

I jumped when I heard the first set start.  I giggled and looked at my husband and mother-in-law.  They both just glanced at each other and Caleb replied: "That's what I've missed about the south.  It only get's better as we go deeper into summer."
Man I freakin love it!!!
However there are a few cons about having a storm like that over us.  We have to unplug the internet or else it'll fry our modem. That and Arresa and I have to scramble and pull out all the candles so that in case the electricity goes out (which it has before with a smaller storm) we can see at night.  We also prepare blankets and clean up the house and always have dinner made and ready to eat so in case again, if we lose power, we  won't have to worry about warming up our food.

I've been a little paranoid ever since Arresa told me that if it looks yellow outside, that means there is a tornado warning most likely to happen and that we need to find shelter.  That and I have to keep a close eye on the Peachtree weather system so that we can see if there is anything else coming our way.

Luckily, the pine trees that they used to have on there property are long gone due to other storms that had struck them or fallen.  Pine trees are the worst kind of tree to have because even with the bigger ones with the roots deep in the ground, they are the ones that always fall and cause damage.  Our neighbors behind us and across the street have some that are pretty big.  Hopefully they won't fall on us because I like the house I live in!

Only other news I have is that I found a super good deal on a treadmill.  I was at a yard sale were my mother in law was buying me a dinette.  The seller was trying to get rid of everything out on the lawn and I got it for....wait for it..... 25 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes it still works and believe me, I'm excited to use it once I have the room for it haha.  It just needs some oil to help the squeaky wheels and then I'll be all set!

Hardest part about staying at home

In earlier rants, I would mention how hard it is from one side, the difficulty of having someone that needed my constant attention 24/7. How people assumed, that I was lazy just because I stay at home.

But here's something to ponder on.

What am I supposed to do in my free time when my baby is asleep and I actually do have everything done?

Let's be blunt here.

It's probably the hardest part about staying at home.  On top of that, I just moved to a new place and have NO friends out here.  I don't have anyone I can call on the phone and talk to.  The time difference is 2 hours ahead from where I used to live so I can't just assume they'll not be busy.
I have made the occasional call or text every so often but it's a lonely game we face, us moms.

We expect to do so much while the husbands away.  When he does come home and sometimes relieves me so I can have a break I try to think of something to do so I can relax.
We're in no position for me to be going off alone and go sight seeing.  Everything is about a half hour away from where we live so traveling is pointless.  The main stuff in town is fast food joints and a grocery store so there's also no point going to those places unless I want to spend money.
I've tried walking outside but by the time I do that, it's so late that I'm endangering myself and that is what got me scolded by 3 different people for my stupidity.

I guess the main reason I"m posting this is that for some moms you can't help but feel this way.  And it's okay.  You're not alone.  I'm 23 and a mormon in the south.  The south isn't bad by any means, but were in the WORLD am I going to go and find people my age?  Let alone someone that doesn't give me a weird look and rolls there eyes when I say I'm LDS/mormon?

How do i fix that?

Well for now all I can do is vent about it but I'm looking for a penpal to write to so that I can feel like I have someone to talk too.  I talk to my husband of course but they'll fill in the gaps for the time he isn't here.

So all in all.  Don't feel guilty because you are doing nothing wrong.